Confession Time
A couple of days after the break-up of Jack and I, I received a phone call from him, asking to meet for a drink.
Let’s just talk.
I stupidly agreed to it. We made plans to meet last night. Jack told me how he couldn’t wait to see me, etc etc.
All week I had planned to cancel. There was no point in me blogging about the phone call, because I wasn’t going. It would do nothing but cause further heart ache.
My mom, of all people, is the one who talked me into going. My mom is a firm believer of leave well enough alone. She originally told me to never speak to Jack again. So she completely threw me for a loop when she told me to go.
She said she has never heard me so upset, so heartbroken, as I have been with Jack. I’ve only cried over one other guy, and the next day I was fine. I’m a pretty strong chick. But even I can admit to myself that I have been paralyzed with grief over the end of my relationship. I can honestly say it has been the first time I have truly loved.
So I took my mom’s advice. I got dressed in jeans, boots with a 5 inch heel, and a sweater (with a scarf with skulls on it. It’s my favorite!). I did my hair. I put on make-up. And I went.
And I sat and waited for twenty minutes.
I ordered a beer, alone. I drank my beer, alone. I left. Alone.
When I got home, I sent this text:
Since I didn’t see you tonight, please come by and get the rest of your stuff. And bring mine when you do.
Response:
Probably tomorrow? How have u been? How are (your kids?)
E-fucking-scuse me?
I gotta be honest. I got dressed, did my hair and makeup, drove to (bar) and waited for you for twenty minutes. I’m not really in the mood for small talk. My kids are great, thanks for asking.
His response:
I honestly don’t know what u are talking about? What plans? I haven’t seen or talked to u in a week and a half.
I never answered.
This is not the first time Jack has made plans with me and forgot. Not by a long shot. He occasionally smokes pot-and when he does, he can’t remember conversations. (I don’t smoke, but have no issue with people that do)
One prominent time was when he made plans for my birthday. I got dressed, ready to go, and he never showed to pick me up. He was high the night before, and didn’t remember making plans. Another time we were to go away for the day. However, he was high when he said it, and then didn’t remember. It has happened a number of times. And I put up with it-STUPID.
I can tell when someone is completely baked, but he wasn’t any of those times. Nor did he seem like it on the phone last week.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice (or more), shame on me.
HUGE lesson learned.
Second Chance At ME 
Holy fucking shit. Are you kidding me that he did that to you? I swear men have the memories of fucking goldfish. That’s no excuse though. Write it down or put it in your calendar. I’m sorry you wasted time, makeup and a kick-ass outfit.
There was a part of me tht thought he might not show out of douchyness. But to completely fucking forget?? That made me feel so incredibly small…like I’m not worth remembering. Then I got totally pissed that I got decked out for him. I’m so per this. Maybe he not remembering is exactly what I needed to happen…
I’m so over this*
I hate how my iPhone tries to talk for me.
You’re not the boss of me, iPhone!!
Ouch. Even when heartbroken over the end of a relationship, a bracing feeling of stupidity somehow helps. It keeps you on track to accepting the relationship really is (and in fact should be) over.
Agreed. I really think I needed that to happen!
And his continued douchery after the break-up is just affirmation that you are better off.
Amen sister. It just shows me where I stood.
Ugh! I want to punch him in the face. You are so much better off without him.
AGREED!!
PSA- I realize the following is probably listed in the bloggers code of etiquette as a no-no, so I’ll apologize for the length of the reply below:
I have just finished reading every blog post since the time of transition from Love…to now in one setting and all I can say is WOW. In just a matter of one week or so, you have gone through so many emotional ups and downs, it almost seems like too much to wrap my mind around.
One thing I know for sure is the difference between losing your fucking mind when a bad break-up occurs and working through your hurt the best way you can is by blogging/writing/journaling about your experiences. The fact that there are so many emotionally retarded and relationship-challenged men out there is because they keep shit bottled up and rarely discuss many things at all. Hence, the reasons they will continue to screw up good situations with great women such as yourself and I. Real talk.
So you’ve gone through the stages:
– the initial sting, pain and realization your heart is about to be toppled
– the hope-we-can-work-it-out in the name of love
– the realization that Jack had his good moments BUT he also had some really messed up traits that SHOULD have been deal breakers from the get go
– the reflection, re-assessment of your worth
– the casual fuck that ALWAYS feels so good as it did before
And now… The recovery phase which is often derailed by attempts to communicate with the person who just ravished your heart.
It truly sucks that you, my dear, are experiencing this and even worse, that you were truly in love with this man. There are so many things I agreed with from your previous posts and reader comments, yet so many others that I sucked my teeth at going “Hell no, that’s not a good idea.”
The cold hard truth from me to you? You knew.
You knew early on that Jack’s inability to communicate would cause problems later down the line, but I’m sure you had no idea the magnitude of impact. Do you recall the sole reason (aside from shit like the divorce) Rescue and I didn’t make it? His failure to communicate. A man with a bad attitude, moody, small or non-functioning penis and even the cheater is more tolerable than the man who can’t OR won’t talk to me about the how and why. Frustrating, amazingly.
I don’t want to tell you the typical things women say to each other at times like this, but I have to, just for a second – you ARE fabulous. Period.
Just remember not to sell yourself short in the future, change who you are or what you love to do, or do more for someone than they’re willing to do for themselves. Remember compromise is not the same thing as altering who YOU are.
Jack is either bipolar or just weird, and I don’t mean to bash him, but I really think there’s a little more going on inside of him than a few Philly blunts, bongs or zig zags.
Now… With the above being said, continue being you, march on with your healing and please – try not to put the barrier to meeting someone or loving someone up. I know I have said the same thing myself after my disappointing failures with men I have loved, but I know what I still yearn for in my future, and so do you.
Lastly, whoever says “give a man time to miss you” is a fool. Someone can miss you, a whole lot. It’s the realization, however, that they need you and want you with the thirst to do whatever it takes to keep you that needs to knock them in the head. But to hell with waiting for that realization to come if it ever does, because the man who wanted all of the above wouldn’t have shit go so awry in the first place.
Enjoy your weekend pretty lady.
X0x0
I FEEL like I have been through every single emotion the last week and a half. But I finally channeled those emotions into something quite spectacular-stay tuned for an update…
Believe me, now that I am not so emotional, I have been through my entire relationship over and over in my head. You are right, I KNEW it would wind up like this. When people would ask about our future, I always changed the subject. Now I know why-I knew there was no future. The lack of communication (which I wrote about several times), his unwillingness to tell me he loves me, the daughter issue, etc. I wrote about all of them. And as I wrote them, I should have comprehended what it all meant.
There are moments that I get so angry and frustrated with myself-how could I have dealt with all of this for almost a YEAR? I wasted so much time! But, I learned a lot. And that is all anyone could ask for 🙂
And he can start to miss me all he wants-I’ve got something great on the horizon! No time for him 😉
And I have been thinking lately that he definitely has something else besides the pot going on…
One of the best advice I ever got: if someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them.
So glad you have moved on 🙂 I always get so frustrated when I see women (or men) “pine away” for someone who is not available or not worth it. As they say, “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” I like to call it cleaning out “Life’s Closet” and getting rid of things that aren’t working anymore. There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life. But no relationship is ever a waste of time. If it doesn’t bring you what you want, it teaches you what you DON’T want.
Great song.
I can’t say I didn’t pine…I didn’t leave my house for a week…except to get my hair cut. I did nothing but cry and watch horrible daytime TV. But, apparently it is what I needed, because I am WAY better! And when he finally decides to pine, I will have already moved on 🙂
Oh, no no no, I was talking about women who pined for months (or years) after their man had gone.
You just had a normal and natural ‘grief’ reaction to the break-up.
I got over a breakup by sitting in bed crying my eyes out and eating ice cream. It helped. And then I moved on 🙂
Believe me, he will be sorry for the way he behaved. They always are. Too little, too late.